Because the space for actual writing was at the mercy of advertisers, the paper regularly chopped the last paragraph off my column and called it editing. Brutal.
It was a review of The Preacher's Wife, starring Denzel Washington and Whitney Houston, that got me fired. FIRED! I wrote quite a scathing review of Ms Houston, confident that she wouldn't be passing through Jarrow any time soon to see it. The film was awful, she was awful; I was funny about it but I was also awful. The editor, who I'd never met, wrote me a damning letter. He said my 'vitriolic diatribe' against the lead actor meant that I would not 'attract a fee' for this review. Neither would he be printing it. Firstly, I looked up both 'vitriolic' and 'diatribe' in my dictionary. Then I replied that none of my reviews attracted a fee and that he should know that. I suggested he try 'editing, for that is your job' and told him that, as I would not change my opinion, he was free to take it or leave it. He left it. And asked for my press pass to be sent back to him immediately. I cut it up into tiny bits and posted it back so he'd have to piece it together to see what it was. He was clearly a MASSIVE Whitney fan. Me too - just not in that piece of shit.
- Sarah Millican, How to be Champion, London, 2017, p.70
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