The Having A More Successful Girlfriend Than You Initiative

The problem is that only well-off people can buy a house, and Help To Buy doesn't really solve that. It's more aimed at the type of people you see on TV with Kirstie and Phil, and they say stuff like, "We're here with Janet and Mark. They're first-time buyers with a budget of £780,000". Who are these people?! Who is this programme aimed at, other than Janet and Mark? "It's always been Janet's dream to have her own orchard, but a five acre paddock is expensive. Will Janet and Mark have to sacrifice their view of Stonehenge in order to realise their dream?"

I'm 33 - I'm one of the lucky ones. A third of men of my generation live with their parents. Part of the reason is that housing is too expensive, but the other reason is that my generation is simply not ready. I certainly wasn't. I got on the housing ladder last month after my application was accepted by the Having A More Successful Girlfriend Than You Initiative. It's hard to explain how unsuited to home ownership I really am. I bought my first flat, and I found out yesterday that the attic light has been on since December the fourth. An electrician came round, and he said, "You've got an attic". And I said, "Have I?"

- Elis James, The Now Show, BBC Radio 4, 10 January 2014

See also:
Comedy: Pope Francis, ex-nightclub bouncer, 9 December 2013
Comedy: Josie Long in Wellington, 6 May 2013
Comedy: Susan Calman, 2 March 2013