What the Middle East peace process really needs

"Shalom – this is Chuck Norris": are there words that could possibly bring more cheer to a Jewish film fan's heart? It turns out, yes, there are. While you might know that Binyamin Netanyahu and his Likud-Beitenu party squeaked a win, what you probably don't know is that this win is literally thanks to the star of such classics as Lone Wolf McQuade and The Delta Force. Yeah, I dropped the literally bomb.

Fresh from his triumphant foray into political broadcasts when he warned back in September that if President Obama won the 2012 election America would be lost to "the triumph of evil"[*], this month Norris answered the long-wondered question: what is the one thing the Middle East peace process needs? That answer is, of course, Chuck Norris. It's so obvious when you think about it!

In his broadcast supporting Netanyahu and the Likud party, Norris modestly concedes that while "you might think I'm a tough guy from my films" – naturally, Chuck – "Israel has its own tough guy and his name is Bibi Netanyahu." One can only weep that Bruce Lee was cast as Norris's co-star in The Way of the Dragon as opposed to Bibi – oh, the cruelty of retrospect! Admittedly, Norris's reasons for voting for Netanyahu might not have the refinement that Snoop Dogg/Lion's did for voting for President Obama ("He mad cool yo") and not for Romney ("Bitch got a dancing horse"), but it's early days.

- Hadley Freeman, Guardian, 31 January 2013

[* Surprisingly high waistband there, Chuck! I mean, we're talking Simon Cowell levels]