How to boost your murder rate

Arizona program would give residents free shotguns

TUCSON, Ariz. — A former mayoral candidate in Tucson, Ariz., is launching a privately funded program to provide residents of crime-prone areas with free shotguns so they can defend themselves against criminals.

Shaun McClusky said the program, modeled after one recently started in Houston, would provide training and enough money to buy a basic shotgun to residents who pass background checks, the Arizona Daily Star reported Wednesday.

Donors have committed about $12,000 to the program that McClusky said could start handing out guns within 60 days, the newspaper reported.

McClusky said citizens need to do more to protect themselves because city government is failing to do the job. “We need to take back our city, and it needs to come back to the citizens and not the criminals,” he said.

Several City Council members said the effort is out of touch with community needs and values. “To suggest that giving away ... loaded shotguns in high-crime areas will make anybody safer is pure idiocy,” Councilman Steve Kozachik said.

- Seattle Times, 27 March 2013

On the demise of the UKBA

Today's news that the UK Border Agency, the government body responsible for immigration matters in the UK, will be split up and re-housed within the Home Office filled me with cheer and a doubtless uncharitable sense of schadenfraude. Finally, the agency that has caused so much angst to its clients and performed so incompetently over many, many years has been held to account and brutally disestablished. Naturally, just because the UKBA's functions have been absorbed by the Home Office it doesn't mean that everything will magically sort itself out - after all, the Home Office hardly has a stellar reputation either. But it's fitting that the UKBA's performance has been so roundly unsatisfactory that it cannot be allowed to exist.  

Of course, this is all personal as far as I'm concerned. The UKBA played a major role in derailing my own plans to become a British citizen and to continue my life in London. Certainly I contributed to the problem with a clerical error that kicked everything off, and the economic downturn that sucked up all the contract work in London also deprived me of a living and made staying in London financially impossible. But it's fair to say that the upheavals I went through in 2009 were all UKBA-related and caused a huge amount of stress that was completely unnecessary. An agency that placed fairness, compassion and service at the heart of its operations would never have behaved in the way the UKBA has over the years.

At the risk of repeating a story oft-listened-to by friends and family, here's a brief summary of my own run-in with the UKBA:

March 2007: Entered the UK on a Highly Skilled Migrant Visa (Tier 1), which meant I could work anywhere in the UK. The initial visa duration was for two years, and would require a renewal application to get me through to the five year requirement for application for UK citizenship.

January 2009: My initial period was shortly coming to an end, so I posted off the application for visa renewal on the UKBA's massive 72-page paper form. Electronic submission was not permitted - it had to be hard copy. Had checked the form numerous time and compared it with the online version on the UKBA website, but failed to notice one particular detail.

March 2009: After two months of waiting with no news, I received a letter from the UKBA announcing that my extension application had been rejected because it was on an outdated form. No other instructions were included in the letter. I hurriedly checked the online version of the form and was horrified to see that the serial number had changed. Comparing the two forms side-by-side I couldn't see any difference between the actual immigration criteria. My work visa being about to expire, and UKBA's rules preventing applicants whose visas had expired from applying within the UK, I was forced to book flights back to New Zealand, from where I would have to re-submit on the correct form. The only saving grace was that the UKBA unexpectedly refunded my hefty visa fee (about £700, from memory). They were usually known for pocketing the fee regardless of the outcome.

April 2009: Arrive back in New Zealand and start work on my new visa application.

May 2009: Couriered revised visa application to the UK High Commission in Canberra, the closest location to New Zealand at which UKBA deign to process visa applications. Used same criteria as my initial  application along with my UK earnings, which showed that I had plenty of 'points' justifying my visa status.  

June 2009: UKBA in Canberra rejected my second application, on the grounds that there was 'reasonable doubt' about my MA qualifications! This because I couldn't post my actual degree certificate, because the framer glued it to the backing board, so instead I had sent my appropriate university transcript. This transcript had been sufficient to get me a visa in 2007, the criteria hadn't changed, and the UKBA's own guidance stated that if proof of qualifications had already been provided in a previous application it didn't need to be provided again. Disgusted with the whole process, I posted my formal appeal letter two days later.

July 2009: Soon discovered that the UKBA section at the High Commission in Canberra neglects correspondence, and as there is no performance measure for speedy results in dealing with visa appeals, there is no incentive for them to actually do the work. They are also almost impossible to contact, with no direct contact details. The most inconvenient way to reach them - sending a fax - appears to be the only way of getting any sort of response. Realise that if the appeal process drags on, I will jeopardise my citizenship requirements - at least five years living in the UK without an absence of longer than six months.

August 2009: Finally got a brief email reply from Canberra, and although it did deal with my case it was addressed to 'Ms Waller'. Competency alert! No appeal completion date in sight, though.

September 2009: Still no word on appeal, which I had sent four months ago.

October 2009: Finally an email from Canberra - they might get to my appeal in a couple of weeks. Lucky me.

November 2009: UKBA finally emailed to say my appeal had been dealt with and was successful - my visa had been confirmed! Immediately couriered a SASE to Canberra to return my passport in, and hoped it would get back in time for my much-delayed return flight to London. It actually did arrive on time, which was the only time the UKBA did anything quickly in all the occasions I dealt with them. By the time I got back to London I'd been more than six months out of the country so my goal of five years of UK residency leading to a passport and citizenship was over. I would have to start the clock from scratch.

As it happens, my return to the UK coincided with huge public service spending cuts, and I wasn't able to stay in work beyond the autumn of 2010. I stuck it out for as long as possible in the hope that a job would turn up, but in the end I had to throw in the towel and return to New Zealand in June 2011. I landed a good contract at my current workplace within a few weeks of landing back in New Zealand, so I'm not complaining too much! But the fact remains that I would have loved to be a proper Briton with a British passport and dual New Zealand-British citizenship, and the UKBA did everything it could to stop that from happening. It well and truly ruined my year in 2009, and caused huge amounts of stress to me and my family. 

Tellingly, the current criticism of the current UK administration's handling of the UKBA has not revolved around the way in which the organisation has dealt with its applicants, but in the way it has created a huge administrative backlog and failed to turn away 'sufficient' numbers of people at UK borders. If only they knew what a toxic ambassador for Britain the UKBA has been. And that's why I'm raising a glass tonight to celebrate the end of the UKBA. 

Farewell then, UKBA. No-one will miss you! 

A sunny day on the embankment

cricket match basin reserve 1992
Originally uploaded by travelling-light

Flickr user Travelling-Light posts a shot from his archive featuring the crowd on the grassy embankment at the Basin Reserve in 1992. If it's a test match then it must be the 3rd test against England in February of that year, which petered out to a draw after centuries from Graham Gooch, John Wright, Andrew Jones and Allan Lamb. Or if it was a one-dayer, it would have either been a World Cup match against England (15 March) or a low-scoring affair against Pakistan (Boxing Day). Whichever match it was, it looks like a full house.

The Sweater

This brings back memories of student days, and is a reminder that so few pop songs are actually allowed to be funny. Canadian singer Meryn Cadell's jaunty spoken-word teenage heartbreak-themed 'The Sweater' from 1991's Angel Food For Thought perfectly encapsulates the parabolic curve of adolescent infatuation and the lightning-fast gossip transmission system that serves every high school in existence. It also sports a delightful punchline. Wikipedia reckons the backing music is sampled (vari-speeded) from Syd Dale's gently sassy 'Walk & Talk'. I picked up my copy of Cadell's CD (the first of three albums, actually) in the now-defunct Marbecks shop in Queen's Arcade in Auckland in 1991 or 1992, and still have it somewhere in storage. Seeing this video again makes me want to listen to its intriguing mix of songs and performance art again. Interestingly, Cadell later transitioned from female to male and lectured in creative writing at the University of British Columbia (although apparently not any more) and still contributes to a steering group for a critical studies in sexuality course, amongst his other work.

Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it, or is a funny colour like yellow – I'm sorry you can't get away with a sweater like that. Look for brown or grey or blue. Anything other than that and you know you're dealing with someone who's different. And different is not what you're looking for. 

- Meryn Cadell, 'The Sweater', 1991

"I'm leaning towards Colossal Velocity"

Alan Partridge re-returns, and this time it's on the big screen! It may or may not be the really rather stirring tale of one chiselled, blue-jeaned middle-aged ex-BBC (but not bitter about it) TV and radio presenter standing up to the villainous villains who hijack his North Norfolk radio station, for some nefarious and dastardly purpose. It's scheduled for release in the UK on 7 August. Now all that remains is to think up a suitably cracking title:

Alan: 'Stop me if you like one: The Norfolk Factor. Gunbird. Hectic Danger Day. Chap of Steel. Colossal Velocity. I've got to say I'm leaning towards Colossal Velocity'.

[Via Callow]

What if Auckland's Subways were really subways?

Taking a leaf out of this Baltimore map by Burgersub illustrating what that city's underground network might look like if every Subway sandwich shop was actually a subway station, here's my attempt at replicating the same idea for Auckland. Did you know there are 94 Subways in Auckland? Of course I knew they were ubiquitous, but I didn't realise there were nearly a hundred of them. Wonder if they'll still be a fixture in five or 10 years time, or whether they'll go the way of Georgie Pie and the almost-vanished Cobb & Co? You'll need to zoom in or maximise the map view to get a decent look at the nine lines.  

View Auckland Subway(s) in a larger map

There are a few caveats on this map, of course. It's meant to be a bit of fun and not a serious plan for an underground network. Auckland clearly lacks the 10 or so million population required to justify a system of this size. I've left out the shop in Warkworth in the far north (sorry Warkworth!) because they were a long way out and I didn't want to get fiddly with the Google Maps line-drawing interface. I've also changed a few of the names of the shops from the Subway store finder, to make them sound a little more like underground stations that are representative of the neighbourhood they serve.

If I find time to draw up proper transit maps I'll post them here, but in the meantime, here's a list of the lines and stations:

LINE 1 (Dark Blue) - Kumeu to Howick via Queen St, Newmarket & Onehunga

Kumeu, Westgate, Te Atatu North, Rosebank Rd, Unitec, Grey Lynn, Ponsonby, Victoria Park, Victoria St West, Queen St, Vector Arena, Quay St, Parnell Rise, Newmarket North, Newmarket Broadway, Newmarket South, Royal Oak, Onehunga (Dress-Smart), Te Papapa, Sylvia Park, Pakuranga, Highland Park, Howick.

LINE 2 (Yellow) - Britomart to Auckland International Airport via Newmarket, Onehunga & Mangere

Britomart, Fort St, Queen St, Midcity, St James, Symonds St (University), Auckland Hospital, Newmarket Broadway, Ellerslie, Penrose, Onehunga, Mangere Bridge, Mangere, Auckland Domestic, Auckland International.   

LINE 3 (Dark Green) - Albany to Lynfield via Takapuna, Devonport, Queen St & Mt Eden

Albany Westfield, Albany Mercari Way, William Pickering Dr, Glenfield (Westfield), Smales Farm Park, Takapuna, Devonport, Quay St, Vector Arena, Queen St, Victoria St West, K Rd, Kingsland, Dominion Rd (Eden Park), Mt Roskill, Stoddard Rd, Lynfield. 

LINE 4 (Red) - Orewa to Glen Innes via North Shore, Queen St, Newmarket & Ellerslie

Orewa, Whangaparaoa, Northcross, Millennium, Constellation Dr, Wairau Park, Wairau Valley, Smales Farm Park, AUT North Shore, Fanshawe St, Victoria Park, Midcity, Stanley St (Tennis Centre), Parnell Rise, Newmarket North, Newmarket Broadway, Ellerslie, Mt Wellington, Glen Innes.

LINE 5 (Orange) - Te Atatu North to Newmarket via New Lynn & St Lukes

Te Atatu North, Lincoln North, Lincoln Rd, West Plaza, Kelston, Titirangi, New Lynn, St Lukes (Westfield), Dominion Rd, Mt Eden, Newmarket Broadway.

LINE 6 (Purple) - Glen Innes to Auckland International Airport via Botany & Manukau

Glen Innes, Highland Park, Botany Northpark, Botany Town, Flatbush, Manukau (Westfield), Lambie Dr, Auckland Domestic, Auckland International.

LINE 7 (Light Green) - Viaduct Basin to Bombay or Waiuku via Newmarket, Sylvia Pk & Papakura

Viaduct Basin, Britomart, Vector Arena, Quay St, Parnell Rise, Newmarket North, Newmarket Broadway, Ellerslie, Mt Wellington, Sylvia Park, Otahuhu, Papatoetoe, Manukau (Westfield), Manukau Events Centre, Manurewa, Takanini, Papakura, Great South Rd, and then either terminating at Bombay or Waiuku via Pukekohe.

LINE 8 (Light Blue) - Unitec to Clendon Pk via Mt Roskill, Sylvia Pk & Manukau

Unitec, St Lukes (Westfield), Mt Roskill, Royal Oak, Penrose, Sylvia Park, Highbrook, East Tamaki, Flatbush, Manukau (Westfield), Manukau Events Centre, Manurewa, Clendon Park.

LINE 9 (White) - Browns Bay to Highbury shops in Birkenhead via Albany

Browns Bay, Northcross, Oteha Valley, Albany (Westfield), Albany Mercari Way, William Pickering Dr, Glenfield (Westfield), Highbury

See also:
Blog: Avondale to Onehunga tramlink, 31 October 2010
Blog: Christchurch commuter rail, 20 October 2010
Blog: New trams for Auckland?, 27 June 2010