Things that remind you that you're really in London:
- Someone talking loudly on a cellphone in a crowded train carriage can cause a bitter argument to break out.
- Pushy touts compete vigorously to force copies of free newspapers into your hands, which will then promptly be covered in cheap printers' ink. (Except the fantastically-named London Lite, which main promotional point is that its ink will not run).
- There's still smoking in pubs. Eww.
- There's no rubbish bins in McDonalds Liverpool Street station. Because someone might blow them up.
- Pret-a-Manger chicken stuffing sandwiches are still fab.
- You accidentally spot Oliver Cromwell's death mask in the British Museum, having never noticed it before. Cool.
- Tube carriage grafitti says "Doors may cause deafness". (Well, I suppose if you put your ear against them when the Central Line train goes around a sharp corner. "Screee...!!!!")
- Sometimes it's quicker to walk 500 metres rather than take the bus.
- On no account should you think of all the germs on the Underground's escalator handrails. No way.
- Clipboard-wielding flirty-fishing charity donation seekers must never be looked in the eye, or you'll turn to stone.
- The baby the Kosovan woman is clutching as she goes around the carriage begging for change looks suspiciously well-fed.
- Stand on the right, walk on the left. Stand on the right, walk on the left. Say it with me now.
- School half-term week is definitely not the right time to go to the Science Museum.
- 'Friends' is on TV every half-hour. Chandler still isn't funny.
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