29 October 2015

Patton Oswalt: Republican candidates as D&D characters

This is possibly the most niche blog post ever, but for people who are interested in the Republican party presidential nomination race AND who are Dungeons & Dragons fans, here's comedian and actor Patton Oswalt's Twitter summary of the 10 candidates as D&D characters, from tonight's GOP debate in Boulder, Colorado:

Donald Trump = level 21 demi-lich, Lamarkin's Rod of Disease, Cloak of Revulsion

Mike Huckabee = gelatinous cube

Marco Rubio = paladin, 18 charisma, all other stats 9, cursed broadsword

Ben Carson = necromancer, 19 intelligence, 4 wisdom

Jeb Bush = NPC with 8s in all attributes and leather armor

Rand Paul = halfling thief

Carly Fiorina = level 5 Drow elf with a + 1 Ring of Vampiric regeneration

Chris Christie = shambling mound

John Kasich = level 4 fighter with standard plate armor and a standard long sword, 10 strength

Ted Cruz = dwarf cleric with 3 Charisma
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