25 January 2023

The perils of being an opinionated unpaid teenage film reviewer

Because the space for actual writing was at the mercy of advertisers, the paper regularly chopped the last paragraph off my column and called it editing. Brutal. 

It was a review of The Preacher's Wife, starring Denzel Washington and Whitney Houston, that got me fired. FIRED! I wrote quite a scathing review of Ms Houston, confident that she wouldn't be passing through Jarrow any time soon to see it. The film was awful, she was awful; I was funny about it but I was also awful. The editor, who I'd never met, wrote me a damning letter. He said my 'vitriolic diatribe' against the lead actor meant that I would not 'attract a fee' for this review. Neither would he be printing it. Firstly, I looked up both 'vitriolic' and 'diatribe' in my dictionary. Then I replied that none of my reviews attracted a fee and that he should know that. I suggested he try 'editing, for that is your job' and told him that, as I would not change my opinion, he was free to take it or leave it. He left it. And asked for my press pass to be sent back to him immediately. I cut it up into tiny bits and posted it back so he'd have to piece it together to see what it was. He was clearly a MASSIVE Whitney fan. Me too - just not in that piece of shit.

- Sarah Millican, How to be Champion, London, 2017, p.70

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