26 March 2009

They might be giants?

A selection of mock album covers following the well-established album covers meme

 

Flaming Schoolgirls - The Pure Scientific MindLegendary New Jersey power trio The Flaming Schoolgirls stage their big comeback with this, their ninth studio album.  Relying on the traditional powerful licks of ace axesmith Jerry “Bludgeon” Gutierrez, bandmates Moe McDonald and Carp Carpenter are assured of a successful boost to their pension plans from this confident set of retro-rockers.

 

Oxyria - We Still Need Comedians 

Belgian techno duo Oxyria have taken the Western European club scene by storm with their heady mix of crunching beats melded with samples of vintage Lenny Bruce gigs.  Expect big things from these on the (comedy) festival circuit.

 

Vigorish - This Flash Is Everything

A slightly twee, self-produced, Lilith Fair-targeted girl group from Madison, Wisconsin, Vigorish spin a folky web of love-lorn ballads and odes to the perils of being a young woman growing up in contemporary America without ready access to a parental credit card.

 

Asterix In Switzerland - Procrastinate now, don't put it off 

Hailing from Sunderland, this art-school slacker quartet are undoubtedly bound for greatness, or at the very least, a 2am slot at the Hoxton Bar & Grill.  Asterix In Switzerland have performed as support act to Morrissey’s support act on his 2008 summer tour, and their manager believes they can crack the big time in 2009 as long as they can track down their drummer and bassist, who are believed to be earning pocket money as jobbing plasterers in the vicinity of Scunthorpe.

 

The Impossible Dream - Defeat Injustice by Evil Means

A minor agit-pop masterpiece from controversial musical activists The Impossible Dream, expect to hear tracks from this new album performed in a student union near you any day now.  Whether they live up to the revolutionary ideals their lyrics ascribe to is open to debate, but one thing is certain: their taste in organic, ethnic cuisine is beyond reproach. 

 

SONY DSC 

An unexpected return to form from former soft-rocker David Lee Roth, this new album sees him in reflective form, covering both Both Sides Now and several hand-penned tracks by his new muse, Vonda Shepard.  In the seven-minute extravaganza ‘The Roth of Can’, he exhorts listeners to harness life’s frustrations into useful energy by following his example and devoting their lives to following seminal Krautrock doyens, Can.

  

Typhoon Tess - Where the werewolf is copy 

Former model and driving instructor Melanie DuBois-Threapleton, performing as Typhoon Tess, has made a name for herself as a singer-songwriter of limited musical talents but commendable honesty about the fact.  Her signature song, ‘Out Of Tune, Honey (Yeah, Again)’, featured on this album as a duet with special guest Britney Spears, is always a crowd-pleaser.

 

Francisco Aguirre - A good man and a good citizen

Hardcore Catalonian grime artist Francisco Aguirre has traded the damp streets of his second home, London, for the sunnier boulevards of Los Angeles in an attempt to break the US market.  The album title alludes to his recent course of public awareness lectures, given as part of the sentence he received from a judge in Camden for defacing what he thought was Simon Cowell’s Bentley convertible, but which turned out to belong to renowned football hardman and actor Vinnie Jones. 

 

Awake In America - More Interesting Than Sex

Perennial student band Awake In America are still hitting the college bars across the US despite now having an average age of 37.  When asked how long the Ottumwa, Iowa, band will keep touring, lead singer and band founder Scot Halpin says, ‘man, just as long as it takes to pay off the mortgages on our holiday homes in Fort Lauderdale’.

 

The Watergate 7

String quartet The Watergate 7 seek to bring the joys of contemporary classical music and trenchant political analysis to the masses.  In this, their fourth album, TW7 tell the story of everyday heroes in the ongoing struggle against dead-end jobs, oppressive bosses and Max Clifford.

 

Superradiance

Superradiance desperately want to be Soundgarden, but unfortunately all they manage to sound like is Graeme Garden (particularly his vocals on ‘Funky Gibbon’). 

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